I love resolutions. I don't care when I make them, but I like to have a plan, a list, be organized. It's the Virgo in me I guess. So, I was very excited to read on Hobo Mama's blog that she and Code Name: Mama are co-hosting a new blog carnival and the first theme is "parenting resolutions."
My previous post I touch on some personal resolutions, but none of my parenting goals, and believe me, I have a few.
What I'd like to improve on, or just plain add to my repertoire, is knowing better my personal limits and recognizing when I'm unraveling and headed towards a fight with a two year old; being more social with other parents and children of all ages; allowing him to figure out his world on his terms without intervening; figuring out a way to allow him to express the whole range of human emotions without attaching "good" or "bad" tags to them.
Mostly I want to continue in my current parenting vein. I go out of my way to create lots of YES spaces for Hollis; I look beyond his current frustrating behavior to what might be causing the yelling, screaming, throwing, tantrum, etc.; and I am exceptionally tender with him. I am proud to be his mama and to see this charming, trusting, well-rounded little person navigate our world with optimism and cheer. I feel like I'm definitely on the right track there.
2009 has been a strange year for me. Really strange. Hollis entered full-blown toddler-hood and I seemed to have left the building. We've managed to still retain a harmonious relationship, the best I have in my life, honestly, and we're growing together (as in onward, not into each other) as any mother and child should. The loving connection between me and him has anchored me and guided me and even though it's not a technique it's what has really shined for me in 2009. My belief that Hollis is a person with needs, moods, and expectations just like me, and not a tiny puppet to do my bidding, has steadied my hand and my heart and given me reserves of patience and understanding I never knew I had. I respect him and it's more empowering than any other philosophy I could adopt.
However, respecting his person doesn't protect me from having horrible days. I've still had days where I put a screaming child in his crib, closed his door, stalked down the hall, closed my door, stalked to the closet, and closed that door, too, to only stand there thinking, "Oh. my. God. I have lost my f*ing sh*t!!! AAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGHHHHHHH!" Occasionally, I even rocked myself on the floor of said closet. Glamorous and grown up, right?? haha. But there it is.
And you know what? Those were the days I was most adrift, aimless, and disconnected from Hollis, so that's what I want to focus on for 2010. It means that I need more structure, more alone time with myself, and, frankly, more time outside of the house (alone or with Hollis). I know I'll still have those days, but I want to focus more on recognizing the signs of a Mommy Meltdown.
I should write a note to myself about doing a mid-year resolution list, too, because it'll be interesting to see where I'm at with these goals in relation to the reality of a growing two year old, a possible cross-country move, a possible pregnancy, and a traveling husband. It's a crap shoot: I may end up with a paper bag over my head trying to get everyone to ignore the weirdo in the corner, or, maybe I'll be baking a loaf of bread a day and volunteering. Who knows?? Wish me luck!
• To Yell or Not to Yell — The Adventures of Lactating Girl
• It Is All About Empathy: Nurturing a Toddler's Compassion Potential — Baby Dust Diaries
• To my babies: this year… — BluebirdMama
• Mindfully Loving My Children — Breastfeeding Moms Unite!
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Resolutions — Code Name: Mama
• Imperfect Mother — Consider Eden
• Resolutions — Craphead (aka Mommy)
• FC Mom's Parenting Resolutions 2010 — FC Mom
• What’s in a Resolution? — Happy Mothering
• January Carnival of Natural Parenting: Parenting resolutions — Hobo Mama
• Natural Parenting Resolutions — Little Green Blog
• This year, I will mostly... — Look Left of the Pleiades
• Parenting Resolutions — The Mahogany Way
• I Resolve to Breastfeed In Public More Often — mama2mama tips
• Moving to Two Kids — Megna the Destroyer
• Use Love — Momopoly
• My parenting resolutions — Musings of a Milk Maker
• Talkin' 'bout My Resolutions — Navelgazing
• Parenting Resolutions — One Starry Night
• Invitations, not resolutions — Raising My Boychick
• No more multitasking during kid time — The Recovering Procrastinator
• I need to slow down, smell those roses AND the poopy diapers — Tales of a Kitchen Witch Momma
• Resolutely Parenting in 2010 — This Is Worthwhile