A little self-indulgence. A snapshot of what I look like today, muscles, blondeness, and all (6/27/09).I've been thinking a lot about progress, momentum, and stick-to-it-iveness. Am I doing it? Do I have it? Is it me?
The answer, usually, is a little, rarely, and almost never, respectively speaking. And it's all related to size and commitment. I can commit to cleaning a room, but not the entire house. However, I can say, "I want to improve the way I ____" and actually see movement in that (like interacting with people or communicating). Yet I am no good at seeing results of any kind when I say, "I want to incorporate ____ in my life on a daily basis" and actually see it happen (like exercise or volunteering).
On the one hand, I'm great at short-term goals and things I feel wholly in control of (like aspects of my personality). I am completely out of control, willy-nilly and frazzled beyond belief when it comes to long term, lifestyle changes, and serious commitment (like, don't drink anymore or exercise for the rest of your life).
I seem to be contradicting myself, don't I? I'm not trying to. They're just two very different things to me: one is close, the other is far. It's that simple. Like my shitty ass eyesight, I'm near-sighted and I'm great with those details, those happenings, those goals. Put it out a few weeks, months or even years and forget it. It can't get any blurrier for me and less interesting. Who wants to work hard and not see results immediately?? That just fucking sucks.
I don't think I'm alone in this. If I were, I'd be the only one with 20 lbs to lose and debt and a long list of "I wish I ____"s.
Noelle in Seattle recently wrote about a tradition in her family: mid-year resolutions. I think it's a terrific concept for us near-sighted folk. I've written resolutions for years, but they've morphed more into a Jackson Pollack type of list. I write all over the card, in all corners, fast and furiously. No rhyme, no reason, just words written in different fonts and sizes to balance the look I'm going for. Feelings, ideas, and goals are intermixed. When I open the envelope the following year I get a real snapshot of what was going on in my head at that very moment. But since I'm not writing, "Lose 5 lbs by St. Patrick's Day" anymore, I really don't have a gauge to measure my yearly growth by.
Re: growth: I'd like to think I'm doing it each year. It sure as hell feels like I'm growing (the fact that I'm basically alone every day of my life is certainly a new and different chapter of my life, and thus, GROWTH, right??). Anyway, a mid-year head-scratch is a great idea.
I'm going to do mid-year in review and a mid-year resolution list.
Became serious about my health and fitness due to back pain issues. Pain seemingly cured!
Bought workout tapes and have been committed since April (first time ever that I've done that).
Allowed myself a hobby (horseback riding).
Committed to a baby #2.
Committed to becoming debt free... but, yeah, not so much as of yet.
Admitted I love to write (which has always been scary because, "I'm not a writer!").
Began written correspondence with some really, really lovely people.
Found an important outlet in blogging.
Began to unwind and -gasp- relax a little bit.
Ignore the scale and the way my clothes fit. Focus on how I FEEL and keep working out no matter what. (I've GAINED 10 lbs since starting to work out, therefore this is a considerable promise to myself.)
Save $3000 for property taxes. And at least $500 a month in savings for the next 6 months.
Keep up with the horse hobby as finances allow.
Keep up with the written correspondence.
Verbalize my gratitude about something DAILY.
Always be real in my writing and only do it when it feels good. Ignore all the hub-bub of traffic-mongering, networking, and "blog as work" mentality. Make friends when it's natural and mutual through blogging.
Make friends -real and ether-kind.
Continue to relax the fuck out.
It'll be interesting to see how I end up at the end of the year since most of these are long term commitments (exercise, weight loss, chipping away at debt, etc.). Here's to hoping I can look back on this and say, "Hot damn! I did it!"
What would some of your mid-year resolutions be??
Update: Oh, and I didn't even mention my marriage and motherhood because those are givens. I'll always be working on those and striving to do better. And as self-disclosing as I can be on here, some things are sacred. Yeah, there are some things I actually do keep to myself.
Oh, and PS: I'm seriously considering going brunette this year, hence the blonde pictures for documentation.