While the husband's away

Anthony's gone for another week this week and I've decided that this is the best time to give potty training a go.

I figure that with just one parent steering the boat there will be less mixed signals and different communication. I've often done major parenting things when I was solo for this reason and it's always worked out the best.

I feel lots of guilt about it, too.

I have really grown to like my time apart from Anthony. Everything's just easier. The house, life, the snoring and sleeping, just everything. There's another upside to the distance, though: I miss him. All the drudgery of everyday married life dissipates and I can find that kernel of longing that so often goes missing with everyday contact.

I don't know if it's our relationship in particular, or what every couple experiences, but where we're at today I would go crazy if Anthony and I never got some space from each other. How different my tune is today than it was two and a half years ago when his travel began, or even a year ago. I would miss him terribly and I was terrified each night, imagining that disgusting ghoul figure from The Ring dragging itself all over my bedroom floor ready to hiss at me and eat me on its way back down to hell (yeah, really).

Now, I drink wine, watch a TV show or Facebook, do chores, and go right to bed with the covers laid securely over me with my arms and legs pointing out like a compass; not a twitch of worry in my body left as I sink off to sleep dreaming of past and future presidents getting randy with me.

I think this is the [early] middle-age crunch. I'm not just going crazy and my relationship isn't just staid - it's just the nose-to-the-grindstone phase of our lives where we push and fight and bust our balls for Anthony's career so we can be stable and cruise a little later on, right? Right?

In any case, Hollis and I have already had a lovely morning where he's wearing colorful underpants and an oversized t-shirt. I'm staying in my pajamas all day and he's staying in just his socks and potty-training attire. He's already yelled, "Mama! Wet!" once when he peed and we went and sat on the potty with his special "pink potty-paci" and select books. Nothing in the pot, yet, but I have hope, patience, and a pretty good sense of humor about all of this.

There's something that says "commitment" like nothing else when it's just you, a toddler, and a pair of cotton undies.

Meanwhile, I'm going to also enjoy my alone-time and focus on happy dreams, happy reunions, and happy nights with friends. Of course all of this will happen while I'm sprawled out spread eagle on my bed in pajamas I've been wearing for 48 hours.

Ahh, the solo-life.


  1. I wouldn't say that I enjoy my alone time. Or, at least, that I prefer it. Having another adult to get two kids to bed floats my boat.

    However, now that my husband doesn't travel so much there are things about being alone that I miss. Complete control over my own time, and the freedom to choose my own TV. The ability to cook food my husband can't eat. Not sweating the mess as much.

    Everything has its upsides, for sure.

  2. Oh, I miss that alone time. I guess cuz I know it's only temporary. You are doing it all the right way...just lazing...

  3. I am with you totally!!! sometimes we just need that time away. I think having kids just does that to you. It's not that you don't want to see hubby. Just that you never get that time to yourself anymore. And that is important! enjoy!!

  4. I have a love-hate relationship with my husband's business trips. On the one hand, I get to catch up on all the shows he doesn't like and eat copious amounts of nachos. On the other, I miss him and his child-rearing assistance.
    But I do look forward to his trips, in a weird way. And now I feel less weird. So thanks for that. :)

  5. Oh and also--KITCHEN TIMER. This should be your BFF while potty-training.

  6. My husband travels for work quite a bit. I have to say that I prefer him being home. The bedtime routine with two kids is what kills me. I really like being able to deal with only one unhappy kid during that time.

    I do enjoy the moments when I have my occasional nights to myself though. It's nice to watch Project Runway or just hang on the computer without worrying about someone else.

    I like being together and I like my space too. I want it all.

    A Lot of Loves

  7. There are a variety of reasons why I hope Hubs gets a job with travel or a contract in another town, far enough that he stays there during the week, close enough that he comes home on the weekends. Somehow, taking care of 3 kids entirely on my own is easier than taking care of 3 kids while waiting for my "partner" to do his part.

  8. Good luck with the potty training! I thik you have the right attitude.

    Me, I'm standing at the door at 5pm to hand the kids over to the husband. Sometimes I start standing there at 4:30. :-)

  9. My husband was just away for two weeks and I totally thought I would have the Ring fears and wouldn't be able to do the single parent thing on my own. I was pleasantly surprised that it was much easier than I was expecting and I was much more capable of keeping everything straight without having to do the additional coordination piece that can be so difficult with busy lives.

    Anyway, enjoy your time. Good luck with potty training. We have a ways to go before we start that adventure.


  10. took the words right out of my mouth...yes, it's nice to have that second set of hands. but, that second set is often attached to another set of opinions. when i'm alone with them, i know what needs to happen and i don't need to consult with anyone else to make it happen.

    i am more tired, but i'm also more organized and end up with more rosana quiet time. aaaaah....