I miss him already

Horse will be joining Anthony on a world-wide trip to Japan, Greece, Romania, and Portugal!

I count it as a supremely good thing that I teared up when I said goodbye to Anthony this morning. I'm truly going to miss him for the next two weeks (TWO WEEKS!). It will be the longest we've ever been apart since we met. I don't have a clue how so many other couples spend months at a time separated. God, that's gotta be just awful.

On the other hand, maybe it works for them. Maybe they like their space. I dunno. I just know that if I didn't see Anthony all the time it somehow wouldn't feel as real, as gritty and visceral as it does now. I know every little minute detail of his life and he mine. He knows that I click my teeth as I'm falling asleep. I know he wears tighty-whities. He knows I spend hours every week plucking. I know he has taken a keen interest in how his 'do looks lately. It's these things that I find so special. There's no one else in the universe that knows me like he does. I feel safe with him.

A friend of mine recently asked me if I considered my relationship to be a happy and successful one. The answer is a resounding YES (sorry for answering your questions here, Jalinda May Bird! I'll write you a proper letter, too! And soon!). The thing of it is is I want this relationship to work more than anything in the world. It's the foundation for my entire life and that of my son's. If my marriage isn't working, then, really, nothing's working, is it? I'd be confused, off balance, unhappy, and most likely, making my needs the last on the priority list - because that's what I do when shit ain't right.

To say that communication is the most important aspect of my relationship with Anthony is an understatement. And that almost feels trite to say, but it's true. It entails so much more than just talking. We both have a intense desire to work things out to the very end. We never walk away from an issue, are always considerate with each other, and if not right at the beginning of a disagreement, we always come around to the root issue, the REAL reason we're fighting.

A good example of this is when we were planning the wedding. Anthony really wanted to be involved. He didn't want to just "show up" to the alter and think, "Wow, all this is great!" He wanted to choose flowers, venues, decor, the works. At first, I thought, "Great!" but I quickly realized that he didn't really have the ambition to do the research, etc., like I did. We'd get into arguments because I was exhausted from working on stuff but Anthony still didn't like what I was offering him. To me, on the surface, it seemed like he was being a dick and contrarian. He thought I was being insufferable and controlling. Eventually, I realized I felt like he was the only one with veto power and I didn't like that. He came around to seeing my point because, yeah, he had nothing to offer other than, "Yeah... I don't really like that." So we came to a compromise: he would understand that the 5 or 6 options I was showing him were the cheapest and best I could find and he had to choose from those OR find something on his own. He felt less pushed around and I felt less subordinate.

The reason I even went into all of that is because we could have easily fallen into major fights about this stuff. It took us a few rounds to finally figure out he felt over-looked and I felt inconsequential, but we did, and it's really flavored the rest of our relationship. Where am I really coming from? is something I'm always asking myself.

We're not perfect. Faaaaar from it, but we have what I think is most important and that's a true commitment to this union, the utmost respect for one another, and the ability to communicate (almost) ego-less. We're honest, but gentle; open, but have boundaries; and loving, but not smuthering. It's a good thing.

If I had any advice for any single peeps out there, or peeps who are dating, it'd be to do this: make a Deal Breaker List. The reason for this is because any random asshole can have the things you want. There are millions of guys out there who are nice to their mothers, like cats, are outgoing, and who are good kissers, but who also happen to be punitive fighters, selfish lovers, flakey, stingy, and who like racist jokes. Know what you don't want, definitively, and the rest will follow and it may come in a completely unlikely package.

To Anthony: I miss you already and can't wait to chat with you in Japan! Love you, Hoobie!!!!!