The last few weeks in pictures (Wordless Wednesday)

My blog is only one small facet of me

I also love design blogs, feminist and lactivist blogs, craft blogs, food blogs, stupid-ass entertainment blogs, and a bevvy of other kinds of blogs.

I think on any given day, I waffle between wanting to be just like Martha Stewart, Gloria Steinem, and Michael Chiarello.  Is that weird?  I dunno, maybe, but there you have it.

Here are some of my favorite blogs not listed in my blogroll that really round out my weekly haunts, brain-ticklers, and aspirations:

DESIGN
Design*Sponge
Oh Happy Day (Design Mom's sister, believe it or not)
Design Mom
dandee
Bliss
Build Blog

FOOD
The Pioneer Woman
101Cookbooks
Epicurious

FEMINIST
Blue Milk
Salon: Broadsheet
Jezebel
Rebecca Walker
Shakesville

LACTIVIST
Lactivist Leanings
Blacktating
Best for Babes
Breastfeeding Moms Unite!


What are some of the blogs you visit that no one would guess you love?? 

(And here's a link to an incredible article about the connection between feminism and breastfeeding activism (a.k.a. lactivism).  It's what I believe and have tried to say to everyone who will listen, but I don't think I've come even close to the succinctness or timely relevance this author has.)  

PS: A lot has been going on my neck of the woods (and no, nothing exciting, just extremely hard).  I apologize for the anemic posts, the total lack of participation on your blogs and to your emails, and I really apologize for hunkering down and avoiding all of you and this blog.  There will be a time soon enough when all will become clear and I will be back en force.  Thank you so much for your patience and your support.  You all mean the world to me.  - Jess

Summer fun in Austin with a toddler

At the Austin Science and Nature Museum digging up dinosaur bones.

Welcome to the June Carnival of Natural Parenting: Outdoor fun.  This post was written for inclusion in the monthly Carnival of Natural Parenting hosted by Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama. This month our participants have shared their stories and tips for playing outside with kids. Please read to the end to find a list of links to the other carnival participants.

Last summer we had record breaking heat here in Austin, TX.  I think it was 70+ days of triple digit weather and lemme tell you, it was miserable.  MISERABLE.

In all honesty, it wasn't just the heat.  I mean, I've lived here for 15 years and I've come to like the warm, dewy blanket of humidity that settles on the city each summer.  Ninety-five degrees with 100% humidity?  No problem.  I used to wear jeans all summer long.  But add a newly walking toddler to the mix, who, like his momma doesn't sweat a whole lot, and it was a really, really bad combination.  In addition to all that, Anthony started traveling more, my mom got a job, and my head was spinning with loneliness and lack of ideas of what to do with myself (and Hollis).

It meant all the things I'd done with him when he was little and not all that interested in things other than my boob weren't really options.  Walks at midday were out because of over-heating issues.  Playing at the park after 10 am was also not an option because I only knew of parks that didn't have shade covers and the playscapes would scald little hands and legs.  Hollis was also afraid of water features, so the obvious answer to oppressive heat was also not an option for us.  And my newness to all of this compounded the problems.

So, last summer was a bitch, to say the least.  This summer, however, which also promises to be a scorcher, will be different and here's why: 

• I know of half a dozen parks with either lots of trees or shade coverings (Tanglewood, Garrison, Dick Nichols, Mary Moore-Searight, Zilker, and Circle C)
• Hollis' tolerance of heat has gone up
• He has some color on his skin now so if I forget the sun screen we can still play outside
• I bought a year long membership to the Austin Children's Museum
• I've learned about The Nature and Science Center
• We have a beautiful front yard with a 30 yo oak tree out front providing plenty of shade and a place to hang the swing
• I have an amazing new stroller with better sun-blocking capacity and better ergonomics so my back won't suffer on long walks
• Hollis loves the giant, air conditioned mall

That is my plan of attack this summer.  I love being outdoors with Hollis, even if it's just running errands, but I particularly love to see him use his body and navigate balance and strength with exploration.  If I let him, he'd play in the car for hours just climbing in and out and over the seats, messing with all the gadgets and switches.  It really doesn't take a whole lot to engage him and it's really important to remember that a toddler's needs aren't the same as an adult's.  He can be happy doing almost anything anywhere so long as his basic needs are met: not too hot, plenty of water, and lots of snacking.

And with a new and improved attitude about the summer months with a toddler I'm really looking forward to this year's fun and frolic.

---

Visit Hobo Mama and Code Name: Mama to find out how you can participate in the next Carnival of Natural Parenting!
Please take time to read the submissions by the other carnival participants:

• Garden Treats — Asha at Mom Costume has once again been bitten by the gardening bug — and this time her baby's tagging along for some fresh air and dirt exploration. (@titbagsandsnoot)
• Outdoor Free Roam — Mamapoekie at Authentic Parenting follows her daughter's lead whenever they go outside. (@mamapoekie)
• Summer fun in Austin with a toddler — Jessica at This Is Worthwhile is brainstorming ways to beat the heat in Texas. (@tisworthwhile)
• summer fun… — Mandy at Living Peacefully with Children is looking forward to spending the summer outside with her children the way she used to spend summers with her mother.
• Outdoor Fun for Pre-Walkers — Maman A Droit has figured out ways to let her pre-walker enjoy the outdoors. (@MamanADroit)
• Summer Homeschool Fun at Camp Review — Deb Chitwood at Living Montessori Now discusses how Camp Review motivated and captivated her homeschooling family. (@DebChitwood)
• Digging, Tree Climbing and Puddle Jumping — Laura at Laura's Blog bemoans the loss of her girls' climbing tree but knows they'll find something else just as naturally tempting.
• The Sweet Smells of Summer — Erin at A Beatnik's Beat on Life is looking forward to the many smells of summer she and her daughters enjoy and identify. (@babybeatnik)
• June Carnival of Natural Parenting: Outdoor Fun — Sybil at Musings of a Milk Maker is a confirmed couch potato who can't help but be inspired by the outdoor opportunities Seattle offers her family. (@sybilryan)
• Take a Hike — Michelle at The Parent Vortex connects with her family and the Earth on frequent hikes in their Pacific wilderness. (@TheParentVortex)
• Following Paul — Julie at Simple Life gives her kids unstructured time to dig in the dirt and pick mulberries. (@homemakerjulie)
• Instilling a Love of the Outdoors in Your Baby/Toddler — Tessasdad at Stay At Home Dad in Lansing offers a photo book of tips for helping your little ones enjoy the outdoors. (@tessasdad)
• Camping, baby! — Jen at Grow With Graces has easy tips for tent camping with a little one. (@growwithgraces)
• Think Outside the Easel for Summertime Fun — Acacia at Be Present Mama finds several ways to bring art fun to the outdoors.
• Outdoor Learning in our Urban Environment — Andrea at Ella-Bean & Co. has found ways to get grass between her daughter's toes, even in the city.
• Outdoor Education — Alison at BluebirdMama offers parents tips and resources for making each outdoor excursion a learning experience. (@childbearing)
• Turning Inside Out — Christie of Childhood 101 finds kids get a kick out of taking indoor toys outside. (@Childhood101)

• Watching Peas Sprout — Deb at Science@home combines fun with purpose in this educational outdoor activity. (@ScienceMum)
• How To Create a Pirate Treasure Hunt & Other Easy Outdoor Pirate Activities (June Carnival of Natural Parenting) — Dionna at Code Name: Mama has pirate-themed play ideas for ye scurvy landlubbers. (@CodeNameMama)
• What We Do — Luschka at Diary of a First Child has managed to expose her 8-month-old to a wide variety of outdoor fun, even with the notoriously dreary UK weather. (@diaryfirstchild)
• Summer Fun — Darcel at The Mahogany Way finds her family's visits to the beach refreshing in so many ways. (@MahoganyWayMama)
• Playing outside without a backyard — Sheryl at Little Snowflakes doesn't let the lack of a backyard stop her family from enjoying the outdoors. There are plenty of things to do outside of your yard! (@sheryljesin)
• Having Fun Outdoors, Playset Free — Guavalicious at They Are So Cute When They Are Sleeping has resisted a backyard playset in favor of the regular backyard. (@guavalicious)
• Moon Gazing with your Toddler — Paige at Baby Dust Diaries is keeping her toddler up at night, but it's for a good reason: to share the wonders of the night sky! (@babydust)
• the great outdoors — The grumbles at grumbles and grunts wonders whether her urban child can experience the same free-range childhood she enjoyed. (@thegrumbles)
• Let's Take It Outside! — NavelgazingBajan at Navelgazing is looking for ideas: how can she spend time with her pre-walker outside this summer? (@BlkWmnDoBF)
• A home by the sea: June Carnival of Natural Parenting: Outdoor fun — Lauren at Hobo Mama is living her dream of a home near the beach, and taking full advantage of it. (@Hobo_Mama)
• An Outside Girl — Zoey at Good Goog moved her family to (almost) the middle of nowhere so that her outdoor-loving girl could have more grass and less concrete. (@zoeyspeak)
• Neighborhood Nature — Kelly at Kelly Naturally has learned to connect with the nature she has instead of mourning the nature she misses. (@kellynaturally)
• Building Lovely Memories of Swimming, Spiders and Gravestones — Joni Rae at Tales of a Kitchen Witch and her family are simply outdoorsy people. (@kitchenwitch)
• "Buh-Bye" Season — Danielle at born.in.japan must leave laundry behind and follow her son's call to the outdoors. (@borninjp)
• Backyard Camping — Becoming Mamas took her family camping very close to home! (@becomingmamas)
• The Color of Dreams — Seeking Mother at Woman Seeking Mother makes gardening magical by teaching her son that each flower is a faery. (@seekingmother)

YouTube video of a GARBAGE TRUCK has over a million hits

And I'm pretty sure this is why.

Watching Garbage Trucks Part 1.

5:31 pm (Wordless Wednesday)

Sweetest creature that ever lived

 My booboo kisser.

We woke up this morning to Hollis humming a radio jingle as he entered our room, then he oddly refused to climb up on the bed with us, got round-eyed, and vomited silently down his shirt.  I leaped up and ran around the bed to him while Anthony swept him up in his arms and took him to the bathroom sink.  I suggested he try letting him stand in front of the toilet in case the pressure from being held wasn't helping and went to look in his room to investigate the "bed boff" Hollis said was there.

It wasn't much and he hasn't really thrown up since then, but that pretty  much sealed the deal: today would be a movies and jammies kind of day.

Monsters Inc and The Little Mermaid and a successful breakfast and lunch later it was nap time and, I guess, time for Mommy's insides to turn on her this time.  Luckily, no "boffing" for me, but I seriously think some kind of worm is shitting on my guts right now.  Yeah, I know.  Gross, but I can't explain it any other way.  It hurts, I'm nauseated, and all I want to do is curl up in a ball and feel sorry for myself.

I tell Hollis that he can sleep in Mama's bed if he wants, but that doesn't go well, so we end up in his.  I'm so drained and am feeling so badly I am wondering if he can tell I'm just barely hanging in there.

As I'm tucking him in and straightening his covers he says,

"Mama, kiss booboo tummy all better.  Kiss back booboo all better, too."

I hugged him to me and answered, "Of course, baby, thank you so much," and helped him out of his bed so he could kiss my tummy booboo and my back booboo.  And that's when the tears filled my eyes.  I haven't mentioned my back pain today (that chronic, aching, activity-limiting pain that I carry around every single day due to bulging discs in my lower back), but I do admit to wincing once or twice and he must have seen it.  Or else, just remembered that Mama has a [forever] booboo of some sort.

He also insisted on hugs for my booboos.

I swear having him around is like a therapy dog.  If I could, I'd take him to hospitals so he could light up people's days like he does mine, but alas, he's not a dog and so I won't.  But it's just miraculous.  Magical.  Amazing. Stupendous.  Marvelous!

My booboos feel better already.

Converting to a toddler bed also converted Momma into a toddler

 

This is some seriously exciting stuff!

  

Tools!

It took me four hours to get Hollis to take a nap and in that four hours, which I depict above in photographs as nothing short of painfully cute and adorable, I was reduced to a yelling, temper-tantrum-throwing, hair-pulling lunatic.  I found myself on a merry-go-round of emotions where a petulant, exhausted, and frustrated toddler took turns ebbing and flowing in and out of my emotional frame of mind with an educated, sedate, patient woman.  

What a surprise it was to discover that not only was there a 3-foot toddler in the room, but there was also a 5'5" toddler there as well: Me.

This whole thing started because potty-training is going swimmingly.  We spend the mornings pantsless, diaper-up to leave the house and for naps, go pantsless for the evening, then get re-diapered for sleep.  Lots of peeing and pooping in the potty going on around here and it's been ridiculously easy, and, dare I say, fun.  I mean, clapping my hands and doing a little jig because there's a giant toddler turd in the potty evokes something primordially excited in me.

Occasionally, he would call for me to come get him out of his crib and I didn't hear him or couldn't come right away and I'd find that he'd peed or pooped in his diaper - sorta counter-productive with the whole potty-training thing.  Also, he's been climbing out of (and into) his crib a bunch this week.  Therefore, the conversion from crib to toddler bed felt spot on.

Anthony converted it in the morning and Hollis clamored all over it, squealing in delight.  He bounced on the mattress and touched all the tools as Daddy talked about how exciting it was to have a "big boy" bed.  I talked about how once he was put in it he had to stay in it, "Just like Mommy and Daddy do in theirs."  He nodded and clapped his hands and was, what I thought, very sophisticated about it all.

Oh, how wrong I was!  

And it's not a reflection on Hollis, on the contrary, it's a reflection on me and my wildly out of line expectations.  Did I really think I'd be able to baby-whisper him into a bed the first go around?  I read a couple of books to him in the rocker and tucked him in.  I even dragged his book box next to the bed so he wouldn't have to "get up" to get more.

An extremely exciting book (and a glowing Bus-Owl on the dresser).

(Hours since nap time started: 1/2)

 (Hours since nap time started: 1/2)

 

Note the book box beside the bed (yeah, not a very good idea).

(Hours since nap time started: 1/2)

In the end, he did eventually sleep, but not before I'd completely embarrassed myself.  When I was shouting at him, then apologizing for being cranky, he would just look at me as if to say, "I know how that feels," and then smile gently at me.  I lost all sense of control, of who I was as a parent.  

In the first hour, I felt good: full of energy and ambition.  Hour Two was a little less romantic and I was reduced to "if this/then that" statements.  I struggled mightily with age-appropriate/consequence-appropriate statements, such as, "Hollis, here are the rules.  You can only ever have your blankie and paci IN the bed, not out of it, so if you get out of your bed, you have to leave them here [in the bed]," or "If you touch Bus-Owl, I will turn Bus-Owl off," and "If you open and close the door again, I will take the blankie away for a while."

And then I found myself saying ridiculous things like, "If you get into this drawer again, I will have Daddy change the bed back to a crib."  Yeah - I said that last one in a fit of desperation and hated ever syllable that came out of my mouth.

 (Hours since nap time started: 2 3/4)

 (Hours since nap time started: 3)

Yeah... just wasn't working out.

(Hours since nap time started: 3 1/4)

I threaded all this negativity with lots of encouraging statements like, "I know you can do this!  This is so exciting!" and "I know this is such a great thing!  I'm so excited for you!  I know you're just bursting at the seems!"  I knew how big this was for him.  I knew it was practically like moving to a different country or sticking his hand into [insert gross/dangerous thing here].  I have a feeling that me asking him to fall asleep within the normal amount of time (30 minutes or so) was tantamount to someone asking me to not go shopping immediately after cashing a winning Lotto check.

But ask I did, and answer me he did.  And perfectly.

By the third and fourth hours I was just hanging by a thread.  I thought my face was going to split open and an alien pop out of my face.

In the end he did sleep.  I think I was equally as exhausted as he was.  My back was killing me again, I didn't get to work out (because of the nap time drama), and I felt like the biggest shit on the planet for wantonly expressing every emotion I had to a 2 1/2 year old.  

  So now he's tucked in, but the curtain is pulled back like a canopy.

(Hours since nap time started: 3 1/2)

 

Who needs a dark room in which to nap??

(Hours since nap time started: 4)

Later that night I literally hissed at Anthony about something and slammed a couple more doors and locked myself in the closet to contemplate my navel.  I don't like feeling like I didn't do my best.  Likewise, I don't like feeling my best wasn't good enough. 

The next day, however, was grand and so was today.  It's as if our ugly interlude never happened and the crib never existed - which, of course, makes me feel worse for even losing my shit like that in the first place since I should have trusted my little guy and his mysterious ways - and we have always slept in beds and napped with freedom to run about the cabin.

A couple of days past all of this and I can now admit that I was under duress due to pain and my own fatigue and that I was seeking order and control from a toddler with entirely different ideas.  Hollis had his own plans for the day and Mommy's fragile ego and self-control be damned, he was going to execute them with delight (and right he should).  His abandon upset my order.  Plain and simple.  I'm really going to have to work at integrating his enthusiasm and energy into my own plans, otherwise I'm looking at a lifetime of shitty days.

Next up, remembering all of this the next time I get tangled up in my desire to control things and lose my shit like a crazy lady under a bridge.

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