People have suggested meds for this bullshit, but it's situational, not quite yet chemically based. I know the difference. Not that I'm against meds -- oh, definitely not -- but a job-a-day will definitely get these blues to go away. That and signed paperwork and a big step f.o.r.w.a.r.d. So, yeah. No meds required... just yet.
Basically, I'd be a really bad lottery winner. I need shit to do and I'm rather bad at finding things when I'm paralyzed with fear and sadness. Funny how that works. But I'm managing. Applying to jobs as I find them; dreaming up an Etsy storefront (anyone want small paintings of random flowers by an amateur artist??); watching marathons of Murder, She Wrote; crying and laughing (way more laughing, by the way -- I'm too dead inside to cry); spending lots of time with Rooster and Hawk on off-weeks, savoring every second of my on-weeks.
Season 3, ep. 8: "Magnum on Ice."
Speaking of Rooster, we went to Hawk's first-ever parent-teacher conference the other day. Here are some highlights as told by Hawk himself (well, not really himself, but you get the gist):
- I eat at just about any opportunity (both snack times and lunch) and I eat each piece of my lunch separately (chips, then sandwich, then fruit, but never a little of each all at once)
- I have forgone the pre-nap hug-n-kiss instead preferring to just go to my mat with a book
- I get along with all the kids and have begun sticking up for myself when someone snags a toy (“Hey! That’s mine! I was playing that!) whereas I used to just stand there bewildered
- Fleur and I will often have to be separated at nap time because we like to just stare at each other while holding hands instead of sleeping
- I frequently compliment the female teachers on their outfits to great appreciation of my observations
- I always like to help a teacher out and answer, “Of course!” when asked
- I usually nap, but Hannah can’t figure out what the combination is that makes it so
- I love the “Jump Up!” song
- I am particularly good at the “Guess What Animal This Is” game and it’s also my favorite
- If Hannah can’t find me, I’m usually in the sand pile
- Once, when Keenan kept hitting me and I finally hit him back, I got upset and Hannah had to reassure me that I wasn’t in trouble (though, hitting is never encouraged)
- I don’t share my food (as a rule), but I will occasionally ask someone else to share and then I’ll give something back in exchange
- I really take eating seriously: no funny business. Just sitting and eating. No playing and running around
- Hannah can always count on me to be mellow and stable. I’m sometimes the only kid in Dungeon room who goes quietly to his mat before nap time.
- I also just use the baño. I don’t play in it
We also went to the Houston Space Station (or whatever it's called). Oh. my. god. I don't even care about space except that it's beautiful and fun to look at and imagine about, but I was still awed by some shit. Especially that Saturn V rocket thing. Wow. I mean, as a kid I liked the planets mostly because they were pretty -- not because of the science -- but building something that massive that flies to outer space?? Pretty fucking cool. Even for this artsy, loved-English-assignments kid.
Did you know they put Model Ts on the moon? Either that or this is just a bad Grapes of Wrath re-enactment.
Space shuttle landing, natch.
Really. Who looks more excited to be here? He might have said something about how he's been "waiting my whole life for this moment!"
Saturn V engines.
So, my next big project is to update this site. It needs a new look and definitely a new tag line (I came up with that one during a crying jag - so lame). Man, I gotta update my BlogHer profile and my FB one, too, now that I think of it.
Also, this blog is going to see more of me. As in ME. Not Mommy Jessica or Feminist Jessica or Natural Parent Jessica. I mean, they're all in there, but I've decided to let more of the ribald, crass, grown-up in me come out, too. It'll be like a French braid of feminism, parenting, pscyhotherapeutic rhetoric, and cussing. I hope you'll like it. I wish I could somehow make this site into a sex column and answer everyone's sex and relationship questions, though. Non-sequitur you say? Nah, not really. I'm surprisingly good at that kind of stuff and I think it goes with everything else seamlessly.
Ok! Coffee's kicking in. Time to dress and tackle the day, my couch, my life, and the world!