Hawk 'n Rooster. My dudes, redefined.
There have been some seminal moments in my life since I last posted. All good, some sad. I'll list them in order of precedence in my mind:
While at Rooster's house, Hawk grabbed a curtain rod (don't ask) and pulled the two pieces apart. He handed me one, kept the other for himself and started making light saber noises with his.
"Mommy," he says between "vhooms", "you're Luke Skywalker and I'm Darf Vader." And he raises his sword and strikes mine down.
My freakin' heart exploded. I mean, intelligent, imaginative play; a worthy opponent; Star Wars!?!
Rooster and I officially filed for divorce.
The day it happened I was in tears. I felt like each cell had a tiny string attached to it and they were all being slowly pulled in different directions. It was a feeling of implosion and explosion all at once.
I spent the evening at Rooster's eating chicken tetrazzini and sharing the documents with him. It was at once horrifically sad and wonderfully exciting. I love the way our relationship is transforming and molding to our situation. As adept as we were at communicating through our marriage, we're equally agile in dissolving it.
I'm proud of the way we're handling things and I am eternally grateful for his support, intellect, kindness, and devotion. We have our moments, for sure, but honestly I'll take our "moments" over other divorcing couples' any day.
Hawk has become very popular at school. Numerous times teachers have come up to me to tell me that the other children like him very much, particularly the girls. One little girl he's always with, Fleur, even told the teachers that she loves him "very much." And whenever she's around when we pick him up she races over to hug him. Sometimes multiple times.
Ok, that deserves another
I can't tell you how happy this makes me. For kids to be successful, they have to be liked in some manner. Either it's a spirit they have or a talent, but it's something other kids are drawn to. And by "successful" I mean navigate through life towards their own goals with as little barbarism as possible. Likeability is a key factor in this. I know some people are born with it, others have to learn it, but I'm glad it's coming naturally to him at this point in his life, because who knows? it may not last his entire school career.
Hawk's two best friends at school: Keenan on the left, Fleur on the right.
Today it's a cape.
Safety first, yo.
Hawk wrote his name (with some direction from me).
I took my body measurements and I'm 41-32-43. This makes me very happy; I've never been so content with my body in my life. The numbers aren't what I used to want, but I love them now. It's true what I've heard about your 30s all along: they really do fucking rock. I think the days of hating my body may very well be over. Woooooo!
Hawk prefers Rooster over me, in a major way. I'm toughing it out, but it hurts like a bitch. I'm finding little moments to connect with him and keeping a stiff upper lip about the whole thing, so it's not too fucking awful (no, wait. It actually really is), but it still sucks ass.
In Hawk's eyes, it must seem like I've abandoned him -- we spend so much less time together than before. It's another hurdle we have to get over, I guess.
I often repeat, "It's a phase, it's a phase, it's a phase."
What I woke up to one morning. Yay!
A cupcake after dinner. There may or may not have been a meltdown incident after this.
A Wednesday morning (on an off-week) spent reconnecting over pancakes.
It's been an eventful week or two, for sure. I can do this, though. I'm feeling the momentum building...