I'm a mess

I'm a freaking mess. I've been up and down and all around the past three weeks.

I spent a week on the road with a toddler and a grown man whose tendency for grump these days is, let's just say, monumental for him. I mingled at a reunion that wasn't mine. I hung out with in-laws. I got zero sleep. I got sick. I got wrung out by people from every corner. I said goodbye to my husband for SEVENTEEN days. I got sick. I found a dear old friend. I was medically and legally violated by a radiologist, then an obstetrician. I saw my uterus and fallopian tubes. I saw a follicle growing. I live in hell. I hang out with a 22-month old day in and day out all by myself. I find solace in the computer because it's the only adult interaction I get on most days. I am embarrassed about that last sentence. I can't fall asleep before 1 am because, I don't know why, I just can't. I'm reuniting with people. I am thrilled. I am frustrated. I think everyone hates me. I tell myself that simply can't be true, but maybe it is. I want to run away. I want to cuddle. I want to laugh, cry, celebrate, do a jig, and break something.

I want a big fucking hug.

And, I miss Anthony, who today, from Athens, Greece, did this:

Because I begged him to and because he loves me.

Can I also add a drink to that hug??


  1. Too bad you can't just come over. I'd hug you and fix you a drink. What'll you have?

  2. I'm giving you a hug. And I am a very good hugger.

  3. Sweetie, if I could I'd give you the biggest hug ever!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I so need to meet you. I don't go to bed until 1 a.m. either. WTF is wrong with us????
    What do you mean, they saw a follicle? Is that okay? I still have not gotten back to you about Athens... shoot sorry!

  4. Can you wait until the 28th? I have a feeling there will be A LOT of both going on sister...we're due!

  5. Aw, sweetie, if I was there I'd give you the best hug ever! From here, all I can master is a big huge cyber-hug.

    And please don't be embarrassed to admit that being online is the most adult interaction you get. That's what many moms, including myself, feel like a lot of the time. You are not alone babe.

  6. How the hell did you get in my head and write down things I think about on a daily basis, on your own blog. Damn. Its uncanny. Don't worry - we can do this with our eyes closed. Now, let's hug it out biatch.

  7. Thanks, everyone... I'm working it out. But fuck, it ain't fun...

  8. A few days late, but here's a hug from me too. ((hugs))

    P.S. That picture of Anthony dancing and you and Hollis up in the corner is HILARIOUS!