Hollis charges on, Mommy falls back

He's "vacuuming".

Vrooom!

That was Hollis and his development.

SPLAT!

That was me on my exhausted, worried face.

He's pretty much dropped the two-nap thing (as I mentioned before) and he is barreling on at lightening speed. His tantrums are coming at me like I'm tied in a chair at the wrong end of a batting cage. I can't keep up even if I tried and I'm racking my brain as to how to handle them better. Thus far I love and cuddle him and help him out in whatever way he needs. He's mostly frustrated beyond belief and I can relate. God knows how many times I'd like to throw a fucking fit every day.

It's part of the attachment parenting philosophy: to treat your kids with respect and to have reasonable expectations for their development. How many adults do I know who can't handle their shit and I don't hit them or punish them for acting out - so I wouldn't treat Hollis that way, either. I might not hang with that adult anymore, but I don't have that option with Hollis, so I just let him know I'm here for him and then we move on.

It still doesn't keep me from thinking I'm fucking it all up.

I mean, I feel good about how I'm treating him, but I'm thinking maybe I could prevent these spells somehow (??). Or is that a new mom mistake? Thinking I'm somehow responsible for this?

It's overwhelming, all this responsible-for-another-human-being bullshit...

On another note, last night marked the first time he went around the house deliberately touching things and asking for their names.

And although his language is progressing in as much that his vocabulary is growing, his pronunciation is still just consonants followed by a vowel - with the exception of "vroom!" and "boom boom!" (the sound motorcycles make and what we call me tossing him on the bed repeatedly, respectively). It's a big step!! Yeah! More consonants!! (As an aside, my cousin's son has a rare speech impediment called apraxia where he can only speak in mostly vowels - scary - so Hollis' speech development is always of great interest to me).

The child is also obsessed with vacuum cleaners and motorcycles. Basically anything that makes a lot of noise. He's even started helping me make his smoothies by pushing the blender buttons. It wasn't that long ago that his little face would screw up and he'd scream in terror at the blender... and now look at him. He's its master. I'm hoping to continue to nurture this love of vacuums and somehow get him to regard motorcycles with great respect. I'd love nothing more than a kid who loves to clean who wears safety gear every time he jumps on a death machine. I mean, really!

So that's the 4-1-1 around here.

I was asked this weekend by a dear friend what was new with me and I stupidly answered, "You're looking at it" as Hollis zipped around the backyard. I shorted myself in that answer. I have A LOT going on every day. I'm nurturing a small human being, a relationship with a big human being, running the business of several lives (as I like to say), concentrating on my health (both mental and physical), and writing a lot and loving it. I don't know why I couldn't come up with something better to say.

I'll have to work on that in the future. There's no reason not to lay it all out there. If someone isn't interested in Hollis' latest word, well, then, that's their choice. I shouldn't be afraid that they aren't even before I give them a chance, right? And I'm not going to buy into the whole "She's a mom and all she ever talks about are her kids" bullshit, because my kids are my work. It's as interesting to me as anyone else's life work is. Man... just when I think I'm making strides in this whole SAHM thing I take a step back. Oh well, it's all part of the process. I have to remember that.

PS: I love coffee.