When your TV just becomes a black box

As I mentioned a week ago, I have no TV. I mean, I own a television, but it doesn't do anything right now except play my workout DVDs and an occasional movie. I thought I'd be more upset by this new turn of events, but I'm not. I thought that only the droning waves a TV can provide could fix those moments of I-can't-bring-myself-to-clean-but-too-jacked-up-to-nap, but I was very, very wrong.

I also thought that with no TV I might be lured to spend more time on the internet. I've already been struggling to balance my need to interact with other adults (in whatever format that may be) with being present with Hollis and the last thing I needed was an excuse to insert the internet-IV needle back into my arm. But that wasn't the case, either.

I'm surprised that I've spent a lot less time on the internet and, in general, less time worrying about anything other than just enjoying myself in whatever moment I find myself in.

Last week Anthony was in the Dominican Republic and Costa Rica and I was solo for several days. I had such a good time with Hollis. I practically felt like I was on vacation, but I sort of expected that (it's the whole When the Cat's Away phenomenon). We played for hours in the house and the yard, we spent the night twice at my mom's to gear up for a Hollis Stays the Night with Grandma and Grandpa weekend, we colored, we wrestled on the bed, we went to the park.

Quite honestly, all of this isn't all that different from what we usually do. What I didn't expect was that I didn't beat myself up for enjoying it all. I actually had the presence of mind to allow myself some pleasure. Whoa! What a freakin' concept!

The laundry stayed in baskets, the floors remained filthy, the yard a disaster, and Hollis ate chicken nuggets at least 4 times (and not my usual homemade ones).

And that's not like me at all. I push myself like I'm a freaking Olympian in all things house- and baby-related. The fact that I still feel like a winner is a pretty big deal. I'm not a loser for switching gears a little. I actually feel smarter for it. I was a better me because I was relaxed for a change.

Of course, I cleaned like crazy the whole day before Anthony got home (not that he'd care in the least). I couldn't just leave the house like that! My week was like eating ice cream in bed... for dinner... every night. I'd kept the bowls hidden under the bed for days, but then it was time to get them into the dishwasher and hide the evidence!

It was a wonderful week topped off by Anthony's homecoming and a Father's Day spent watching Anthony jump a horse, knock back a Father's Day mojito or two at Moonshine buffet, then nap, and finally grilling at mom and Terry's.

And now I'm seriously debating about whether or not to get any kind of TV service plugged back in. Is it the lack of TV that has made the past 10 days so blissful? Or is it something else?? Have I finally turned a corner in my adult development to stop being so uptight and hard on myself??

Anthony's text from Dominican Republic set off a chime and Hollis ran to the phone saying, "Dada!"


Digby supervising a chat with Papa.


New style of riding.


Second night staying at Mom and Terry's.


Poopin' horse.


Their shirts match.

Tucked under the blanket.

At the park at 9 am because it was already 85 degrees.

My Sweet Baby Hollis.