I've learned a few things over the past week like:
Life can be simple.
I can relax.
I can find entertainment and creativity in really small things.
What is most important - lo, worthwhile.
How to feel energized (and it doesn't involve the computer).
That I create my own stress.
That I need to get a grip with the blog thing.
What I want my days to be like.
Anthony can sometimes say things I know he'll wish he hadn't and then he'll apologize.
I have an intense hatred of any recent image of myself and then an equally strong emotion about my hatred.
Hollis is perfect in every way.
Life is joyous. And life is bullshitty.
There are more important things than laundry.
Time really does heal all wounds... but do I want it to?
I'm a freak when it comes to kitchen skills.
I'm mostly pretty happy.
I want to quit Twitter - and will.
I really, really, really want to be easier on myself.
I enjoy my husband's company immensely.
My mom and Terry are so very kind to us.
I wish I saw my friends more.
I wish I was pregnant again already.
I sleep like a champ when I wear earplugs.
I have love for a lot of people.
And this is a short list. It's amazing what happens when things go still. Last Wednesday, after a self-inflicted blog/internet/social-media absence, my internet went down. Friday, we lost our TV due to the digital TV switch (and AT&T U-Verse's ineptitude). Yesterday I lost my iPhone to a mysterious ailment rendering me utterly without technology other than the radio and my telephone... the kind with chords.
I'm sorta sorry I have internet again...
I liked the feeling of being on my own, not responsible for anything other than my own amusement and that of Hollis'. I wasn't supposed to be checking in to any social-media thingy, I wasn't supposed to be leaving comments anywhere, I wasn't supposed to be writing new posts. I say "supposed to" because it's how I constantly feel and it's me giving myself stress... and why? It's utterly ridiculous.
So, I'm going to go back to basics: Write when I feel like it. Leave comments on friends' blogs when I feel like it. If I suddenly stop commenting on your blog or emailing you back or not responding on whatever social-media thingy it is we're connected on it's not because I don't care about you or what you put out there anymore. It's because I should care more about what's right in front of me and not what's on the computer. I really do. And it's time I started giving it the respect that it deserves. It's my fucking LIFE, after all. (God, I hope that doesn't sound awful and rude... I so don't mean it that way.)
That's my Declaration of Blog Independence. I hereby am taking a permanent break from you, Blog/Internet/Social-media Beast that you are. You may sleep with whomever you choose while we are on this break and get as engrossed and involved as you care to. We are free of each other. I no longer will allow thoughts of you to creep into my every move or thought. You will be attended to when I feel like it. When Hollis feels like it. When Anthony feels like it. I will check in with you in the mornings and evenings only. It is only right that my real life loves get my attention. I vow to use you like gravy: sparingly, with some apprehension about my arteries and intense enjoyment of its lovely richness.
I hear my little man stirring from his morning nap and thus this post must be ended sooner rather than later.