Rock steady

So we went to California and we conquered and now we're back home. Hollis was a supa champ - for real. He's a breeze on the plane and just generally a blast to be around. As for me, it's always a vacation when there are loving friends and relatives around fighting over who's gonna feed him, bathe him, hold him, comfort him, etc. Although, switching off the "high alert" signal took some doing. I'm so used to being the only one around him and having to constantly evaluate his environment, what's in his hands/mouth, his moods, and the like that I act like no other reasonable adult is in the room to intervene on his behalf.

This week's been all about getting back in the swing of things and boy have we! We've never had such routine before and I gotta say I'm loving it... and (true to my nature) hating it a little bit, too. Hollis is so wonderful (read: easy) that I'm feeling guilty. I know I've got to get over this. Anthony said to me last night, "Jess, if you got hit by a bus tomorrow, you'd have wasted all this time being unhappy when you really could be happy instead" (can you see why I married this guy??). That little statement has been whirring around in my head all day. I gotta buck up and quit being a weenie.

I should invest more energy in enjoying my wonderful baby and life instead of fretting that I'm not doing more (volunteering, reading, art, socializing, you name it). That's always the rub, isn't it? My little lizard brain ALWAYS has to have something to gnaw on. I need gristle between my teeth; something gnarly and tough that I can chomp on for days and never be able to swallow. Ugh. Deep breaths, deep breaths.

Get it together, girl!! Put one foot in front of the other and allow a little happiness to crack past that wall of intellectual understanding and seep into your heart! Rock. Steady.

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