- The expectations. When you're coupled this is especially relevant. Nothing says romance like an industry pushing you to express it. At what point are your hopes of a grand romantic gesture (or a mini gesture) justified? After a week? A year? What if one of you forgets? And you're either into it or totally against it and wouldn't everyone enjoy something nice on a day "set aside" just for something like that? So all the people who hate it (yes, like me) would of course love something sweet, but we loathe having the expectation.
- The contrivance. Are you feeling romantic towards someone? I remember a V Day in which I groaned outwardly at the dozen yellow rose my boyfriend gave me. I dumped him two weeks later after suffering through a stilted dinner for two.
- The reminder. I know what my relationship life is like whether I'm in one or not. I don't really appreciate the magnifying glass in the middle of winter regardless of my status.
- The gall of hijacking an entire day's activities. I'd like to do something where wearing red or the auspice of romance isn't involved. Really. Like hang out with someone I dig.
- It's stupid. It just is.
Ok, so, I'm pissy - obviously - and it's not because I'm single or don't have anyone who cares about me (I'm sure I do, but that's not really the point). Today is so much more than just some stupid mid-winter holiday, but I can't seem to figure out how to shake its love-sappy shadow.
Today is the one year anniversary of passing my NCE (National Counselors Exam). It's the day that announces that I set a goal and achieved it, surpassed it with flying colors, and got the ticket to the rest of my life and career. But no, I have to be bombarded by a forest of red balloons and roses the second I walk through the grocery store doors if I want to buy another bottle of wine for my cozy night at home. Alone.
I am as romantic as the day is long, I swear it, but I like to keep things on the dl so things happen naturally and with easy flow. I like for niceties to come my way because the giver thoughtfully put it together in his own head, not because I was part of some passive national pressure. Thinking of this as NCE Day is immeasurably better than expecting a card from someone.
As a giver, I don't really mind the day, but as a receiver, I hate it. I'm sure someone did lots of nice things for me on Valentine's Day once, I'm certain of it, but for the life of me my anxiety over the whole day has clouded my memory. How is that even remotely cool?
I know a lot of you are probably thinking that I'm just bitter and I am. I'll own it. So what? But it's more than that, too, I guess. I suffer from a legacy of having stupidly high expectations and this is a day for rumination. I'm proud to say I've come down from my ivory tower in many, many ways, but it's a humbling experience nonetheless and therefore bittersweet.
I'm still gonna hate this idiotic "day for lovers" because honestly I wish every day could be a shade of expressing love and appreciation and sex, but I'm also gonna think about how I felt a year ago when I gave myself the best Valentine's Day present ever: a future. So, yeah, FUCK YOU, VALENTINE'S DAY.
sigh.
By the way, this is the shit:
♥ worth celebrating.
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