I just realized it's been about a year since I first announced to the world that Rooster and I were splitting up.
And this morning I found my first grey hairs ever.
Coincidence? Mebbe.
I haven't colored my hair in 7 months in order to cut costs, so they've finally had the freedom to blossom among the dark wheat colored strands on my head --the little bastards -- but I'm certain they'd be there regardless.
Honestly, I don't really care. This past year has proven my mettle beyond a shadow of a doubt and I'm proud of myself.
Let me repeat that: I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.
I made the tough decisions, I strove forward, I didn't settle; I did the opposite of all those things when it would've been ridiculously easy to do so. Freakishly easy.
Some might think I gave up on my marriage, but the truth is I reinvested in myself and Hawk. I didn't want to suffer in that relationship for another 40 years and show my baby that misery and malcontent were acceptable in a longterm relationship. That was simply unacceptable to me.
Rooster wasn't happy. I wasn't happy. And though we talked endlessly, burned holes in couches in therapy for a year, cried buckets, and still loved each other, we decided reconfiguring our partnership was the best thing for all of us.
We earned the right to re-write our lives. We were never idle participants.
So wow. A year later. I can't believe it. And I can truly say, "I have the grey hair to prove it."
this is great. i started sprouting grey hairs when i stopped coloring because i was pregnant. i could have been sprouting grey against my naturally blah-colored hair for years, but just not really noticed because it was always colored. or it could have been the hormones. or the fact that i was older than i had ever been in my life. but those grey hairs are kind of a badge of honor - or at the very least they are a part of who i am. wiry, sticking straight up and colorless, they are with me.
ReplyDeletethink of how many early greys you're saving yourself by creating a life that works better for all of you. my guess is a lot.
Good for you. You should be proud of yourself.
ReplyDeleteI had my first grey hair at 19. I have just discovered hair dye and I am in love.
You've come through a long year. You should be proud of yourself. Doing the hard thing instead of the easy thing is definitely something to be proud of.
ReplyDeleteI came across ur blog while trying to find insight for myself. I feel I'll be going thru this soon :'/
ReplyDeleteSo, I connect to ur words ever more so deeply. I'm sending prayers of love,guidance, strength ur way <3