About a year later

I just realized it's been about a year since I first announced to the world that Rooster and I were splitting up.

And this morning I found my first grey hairs ever.

Coincidence? Mebbe.

I haven't colored my hair in 7 months in order to cut costs, so they've finally had the freedom to blossom among the dark wheat colored strands on my head --the little bastards -- but I'm certain they'd be there regardless.

Honestly, I don't really care. This past year has proven my mettle beyond a shadow of a doubt and I'm proud of myself.

Let me repeat that: I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.

I made the tough decisions, I strove forward, I didn't settle; I did the opposite of all those things when it would've been ridiculously easy to do so. Freakishly easy.

Some might think I gave up on my marriage, but the truth is I reinvested in myself and Hawk. I didn't want to suffer in that relationship for another 40 years and show my baby that misery and malcontent were acceptable in a longterm relationship. That was simply unacceptable to me.

Rooster wasn't happy. I wasn't happy. And though we talked endlessly, burned holes in couches in therapy for a year, cried buckets, and still loved each other, we decided reconfiguring our partnership was the best thing for all of us.

We earned the right to re-write our lives. We were never idle participants.

So wow. A year later. I can't believe it. And I can truly say, "I have the grey hair to prove it."


  1. this is great. i started sprouting grey hairs when i stopped coloring because i was pregnant. i could have been sprouting grey against my naturally blah-colored hair for years, but just not really noticed because it was always colored. or it could have been the hormones. or the fact that i was older than i had ever been in my life. but those grey hairs are kind of a badge of honor - or at the very least they are a part of who i am. wiry, sticking straight up and colorless, they are with me.

    think of how many early greys you're saving yourself by creating a life that works better for all of you. my guess is a lot.

  2. Good for you. You should be proud of yourself.

    I had my first grey hair at 19. I have just discovered hair dye and I am in love.

  3. You've come through a long year. You should be proud of yourself. Doing the hard thing instead of the easy thing is definitely something to be proud of.

  4. I came across ur blog while trying to find insight for myself. I feel I'll be going thru this soon :'/
    So, I connect to ur words ever more so deeply. I'm sending prayers of love,guidance, strength ur way <3