My mom always used to tell me that she loved it when I was sick. Now, before you think she suffers from Münchausen syndrome she totally doesn't. I was such a rowdy, rambunctious kid not keen on snuggling or hugs and kisses. I was too busy for that sitting still crap!
Unless I was sick. Then the whole game changed.
I wanted lots of Momma lovin', to be tucked in, held, hugged, and squeezed. I would lay in my mother's arms for as long as she'd have me and call her into the room just for a love fill-up.
Hollis isn't quite as prickly as I was as a child, but he does move a lot and isn't apt to sit for lots of snuggle sessions. Except, just like his mama, when he's sick. He slows waaaay down.
When I told my mom she laughed, "See! I told you! This is why I loved it when you were sick!"
So today, at 12:09 pm, we're on our second viewing of Toy Story II. I rented it last night for $5 for the week ($5!! What a rip off!) and therefore I'm going to milk this puppy dry. We'll watch it a 100 times if I have to!
He's got his pillows set up on the floor and he alternates laying on them, standing up, and doing a little running around. But mostly, he's chillin' on his back, fondling his blankie and sucking on his pacifier. Eyes glazed as they're fixed on the TV screen. I even fed him leftover pizza for breakfast in front of the TV. Hey, he's sick! It's time to bust out the special When-You're-Sick-Rules.
It's worth mentioning that I'm sick, too, which is why I'm relying so heavily on Woody and His Round Up Gang. My throat started hurting late yesterday and I can't breathe through my nose. I slept like ass, but also fell stone cold asleep at 8:30, so I got lots of shitty sleep at least, right? I'm sure my descent into illness affected my emotional state yesterday, too. Nothing like feeling raw and exposed and also physically pounded.
However, having said that, I feel immensely better than I did yesterday. About everything. There's a delicate balance to be struck here and I'm determined to find it. I crave to be honest and connect with people, but I also must be able to feel safe from my own compulsions. Just like Jessie discovers in the movie, I'm also discovering that choosing to be safe also keeps you from experiencing wonderment, love, and friendship.
Here's this amazing scene about Jessie and her little girl. Makes me well up every time I hear the music and see her little face so full of joy and then so full of hurt. Of course, the end of the movie finds Jessie daring to love another little girl again just to be able to love while she can. It's what I'm endeavoring to do with me and my life, too: be brave, be happy.