Surely I'm being tested
Fifteen minutes pass this way and I seem to be becoming more exhausted, and paradoxically, more relaxed with each breath. Until, suddenly, I hear a loud crack and feel an alarming pain on my
left eye socket, near my temple. The pain so sharp I inhale with a hiss and cover my eye.
"Hollis!" I exclaim. He's standing next to the bed, shirtless, clutching his blankie and eyes so wide I could dive right in. "Oh, Hollis, you don't throw things at Mommy."
I groan in pain and take hand away to see a spot of blood. I'm BLEEDING. And my eye throbs and stings with sincerity. When I look in the mirror a deep red trickle is making its way toward my cheekbone.
I take Hollis' hand and lead him to his room, gently place him in his crib and grab a tissue (I wasn't bleeding all that quickly so I took my time). In the bathroom I see a deep little gouge and some discoloration already, and goddamn it fucking hurts! At that very moment a wave of exhaustion hits me again and I want to lay down on the spot. - I'm so goddamned fucking bone weary tired and my kid just hurled a toy at my head in my desperate and pitiful attempt to recharge in his presence.
I should have known better.
And so I started to cry.
And then, because I think I have a month's worth of tears in me and no time for my driveling I distracted myself by picking up all the books Hollis had strewn about my room, while holding a bloody tissue to my head and listening to a sweet little voice from down the hall call out, "Boo boo! Boo boo!"
This is like the shit cherry on top of a screw-you summer.
I don't know how all you moms out there do this with multiple children and for longer stretches. I feel like such an asshole for even feeling the way I do.
Now excuse me, pity party is over. It's bath time now.