Surely I'm being tested

Overcome with exhaustion I had to lay down. Eyes closed, my breathing steady, one ear on Hollis playing with books and climbing on the bed to kiss me I rested.

Fifteen minutes pass this way and I seem to be becoming more exhausted, and paradoxically, more relaxed with each breath.  Until, suddenly, I hear a loud crack and feel an alarming pain on my
left eye socket, near my temple. The pain so sharp I inhale with a hiss and cover my eye.

"Hollis!" I exclaim. He's standing next to the bed, shirtless, clutching his blankie and eyes so wide I could dive right in. "Oh, Hollis, you don't throw things at Mommy."

I groan in pain and take hand away to see a spot of blood. I'm BLEEDING. And my eye throbs and stings with sincerity. When I look in the mirror a deep red trickle is making its way toward my cheekbone.

I take Hollis' hand and lead him to his room, gently place him in his crib and grab a tissue (I wasn't bleeding all that quickly so I took my time).  In the bathroom I see a deep little gouge and some discoloration already, and goddamn it fucking hurts! At that very moment a wave of exhaustion hits me again and I want to lay down on the spot. - I'm so goddamned fucking bone weary tired and my kid just hurled a toy at my head in my desperate and pitiful attempt to recharge in his presence.

I should have known better.

And so I started to cry.

And then, because I think I have a month's worth of tears in me and no time for my driveling I distracted myself by picking up all the books Hollis had strewn about my room, while holding a bloody tissue to my head and listening to a sweet little voice from down the hall call out, "Boo boo! Boo boo!"

This is like the shit cherry on top of a screw-you summer.

I don't know how all you moms out there do this with multiple children and for longer stretches. I feel like such an asshole for even feeling the way I do.

Now excuse me, pity party is over. It's bath time now.


  1. oh, sissy. i'm sorry. tell him LaLa does NOT approve.

  2. That sucks. Man, why is his aim so good.
    And this sounds weird, but good for you for crying. It always makes me feel better to have a good cry. Actually, I did that today. :-)

  3. I don't know how people do this shit with more than one child. At least Hollis isn't twins? Yeah, that's all I've got.

    Hang in there, mama.

  4. You are not alone. I have a billion battle scars on my arms and face, no kidding, SCARS from their bites and scratches, seriously. They also have made me bleed. SUCKS, doesn't it? These little beautiful beings that we love so much can actually bring us PHYSICAL pain, too! Gee, thanks, like we didn't have enough to deal with already! ;)
    I know the exhaustion... and I work full time. And I have a lot of help. When I'm doing it alone with my two boys for hours on end, it is hard. I can't be a stay at home mom. Just can't. As much as I love being a mom more than anything else on earth, it is the hardest job there is.
    Take care of you, hon.

  5. Yup, sometimes crying is the only thing you can do. And that's okay. This parenting stuff is HARD.

  6. My son used to beat me up on a regular basis. I was once holding him on my lap and he literally scratched me from the top of my cheekbone down to my jawline. It hurt SO BAD, I started to cry uncontrollably. Then again, he was about 8 months at that point, and had not slept one full night at all up to that day. (In fact, he didn't sleep through the night for the first 3 years). I was one crazy zombie.

  7. Ouch! Hang in there. You're obviously doing a great job. Hey, it makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who wants to rant and rave and scream and get some bloody sleep.