Baby had a bad day...

I'm so ass tired. I mean, tired as ass. My ass is fine, really. It's my brain that's lagging. I can't believe it, but I just fell asleep on the couch from sheer exhaustion. I've pushed myself to the limit the past 5 days or so - plus the week and a half alone 24/7 with a very mercurial toddler. I suppose the two bottles of wine in as many nights didn't really help either.

But I'm wineless tonight and the exhaustion has caught me. It's crawled up my back and slowly wrapped its long, stinging tendrils around my head and covered my face. I feel like I can barely breathe... and yet, I write.

I write to purge myself of listless, senseless worry. I'm sure a lot of you have felt it, too. It's hard not to. We're at a level 5 warning now. Sweet Jesus. I was just on a plane from Phoenix where lots of people have come from Mexico. I live in Austin and again, lots of people have just been to Mexico. So, Hollis' hot skin and tiny running nose has had me on uber high alert. It's not because he's been running around like a chubby little banshee, it's because he might have the flu: THE flu.

Somehow I manage to calm myself down from that one. I'm not that out of my mind with fatigue that I can't be rational, but I do have to be careful. The only death in the US occurred less than 3 hours away from here.

Ok, so there's that.

Then Hollis fell today and cracked his head on the corner of a cabinet in the kitchen. He was excited to be going to the garage with me to switch laundry over (yeah, I'm working on him early) and he tripped and slammed his head on a sharp wooden corner. His screams were instant. So were my arms. Thankfully, no blood, just an abrasion and a huge goose egg lump. His first ever.

Of course he wouldn't let me put anything cool on it. He just squeezed out big, fat tears and wriggled and fussed then clung to me intermittently for 10 minutes. I don't blame him. That was one hell of a crash. I called my mom, a nurse, to recheck what to look for in severe head traumas (dizziness, vomiting, sleepiness). I said, "Mom, he's a toddler, of course he's going to be sleepy."

"Oh, I'm sure he'll be fine..." (pause) "Really, go ahead and let him nap. Just watch for the vomiting."

I took it as a supremely good sign that he snapped to the music while in the car running errands with me. He wasn't losing words or anything, either. Color was good. But what about that runny nose? Eesh - no, it's not the flu, Jess, calm down. I mentally mapped routes to all the ERs I could think of. Did I even know all of them? When he put his head on my shoulder as I carried him through the store I determined then and there that there was no way in hell he was taking an afternoon nap.

So, we pushed through and relied on bananas, fans, nice sales people, and grandma and grandpa to get us all the way to bedtime fit-free.

And now I'm beyond spent. Hollis is sleeping the sleep we all pray for: deep and silent and rejuvenating. I hope to be doing the same in T-10 minutes....

I hope Hollis has a better day tomorrow. One without a mommy who makes him march for miles beyond his limits and who leaves his nose alone and quits taking his temperature every hour. Not to mention a day without teeth rattling head bangs.


  1. Are we the same person? Seriously? Because I could have written this-- my baby had his first major fall today and now has an enormous egg on his head. And I'm convinced I'm dying of swine flu. Someone hold me.

  2. Oh! The poor little thing! His head sure does look sore. I hope tomorrow is a much better day for him and you.
    Stopping by from SITS.

  3. OH my God. I am so with you on being so scared that we're at a freaking level 5! Level 6 being the worst! Are you kidding me? And for the record, both my boys are sick with colds, too. BAH!
    I'm thinking of stocking up on essentials tomorrow and staying home in isolation until this all goes away!
    Okay, your poor baby's little head! That is the absolute worst! It has happened to my oldest son before, and I was freaked. But since he was alert (like your guy was) I didn't take him to the Dr. I also look for differences in their pupils. I always do that when they fall! ;) Too much Grey's.
    Hope you have a better and more restful day tomorrow! Stay home!

  4. Poor you. That sick-to-the-bottom-of-the-stomach, squeezing-the-breath-out-of-you tiredness. Pre-motherhood, you could just go to bed. Now even if you go to bed, you lie awake worrying about the baby. Well, I have days like this anyway. I know how it feels. A few weeks ago we had our Worst Day Ever when Cave Baby was scolded by a cup of coffee and we spent the day in hospital. I hope it all works out for you OK. On the swine flu, just remember the if it wasn't for the papers and TV you wouldn't even have heard of it. The media are responsible for all these stupid scares and there is such a ridiculously small chance you will be affected, it's really not worth worrying about. I really hope you feel better soon.

  5. Wow, when it rains, it pours. Our whole li'l nuclear family is whupped! You're doing an awesome job, sweetie.

  6. Oh nooooo. Poor little guy!

    Hope you get some rest and that things start calming down!

    Also, thanks for stopping by on my SITS day last week!! Loved your comments, very sweet.