Let's do this bitch

I've been feeling a lot better later.  Lighter.  More focused.  I'm still jobless, but at least I don't feel like I'm slogging through waist-high mud anymore.

People have suggested meds for this bullshit, but it's situational, not quite yet chemically based.  I know the difference.  Not that I'm against meds -- oh, definitely not -- but a job-a-day will definitely get these blues to go away.  That and signed paperwork and a big step f.o.r.w.a.r.d.  So, yeah.  No meds required... just yet.

Basically, I'd be a really bad lottery winner.  I need shit to do and I'm rather bad at finding things when I'm paralyzed with fear and sadness.  Funny how that works.  But I'm managing.  Applying to jobs as I find them; dreaming up an Etsy storefront (anyone want small paintings of random flowers by an amateur artist??); watching marathons of Murder, She Wrote; crying and laughing (way more laughing, by the way -- I'm too dead inside to cry); spending lots of time with Rooster and Hawk on off-weeks, savoring every second of my on-weeks.

 

Season 3, ep. 8: "Magnum on Ice." 

Speaking of Rooster, we went to Hawk's first-ever parent-teacher conference the other day.  Here are some highlights as told by Hawk himself (well, not really himself, but you get the gist):

• I eat at just about any opportunity (both snack times and lunch) and I eat each piece of my lunch separately (chips, then sandwich, then fruit, but never a little of each all at once)
• I have forgone the pre-nap hug-n-kiss instead preferring to just go to my mat with a book
• I get along with all the kids and have begun sticking up for myself when someone snags a toy (“Hey!  That’s mine!  I was playing that!) whereas I used to just stand there bewildered
• Fleur and I will often have to be separated at nap time because we like to just stare at each other while holding hands instead of sleeping
• I frequently compliment the female teachers on their outfits to great appreciation of my observations
• I always like to help a teacher out and answer, “Of course!” when asked
• I usually nap, but Hannah can’t figure out what the combination is that makes it so
• I love the “Jump Up!” song
• I am particularly good at the “Guess What Animal This Is” game and it’s also my favorite
• If Hannah can’t find me, I’m usually in the sand pile
• Once, when Keenan kept hitting me and I finally hit him back, I got upset and Hannah had to reassure me that I wasn’t in trouble (though, hitting is never encouraged)
• I don’t share my food (as a rule), but I will occasionally ask someone else to share and then I’ll give something back in exchange
• I really take eating seriously: no funny business.  Just sitting and eating.  No playing and running around
• Hannah can always count on me to be mellow and stable.  I’m sometimes the only kid in Dungeon room who goes quietly to his mat before nap time. 
• I also just use the baño.  I don’t play in it

I totally cried.  But happy tears this time.

We also went to the Houston Space Station (or whatever it's called). Oh. my. god.  I don't even care about space except that it's beautiful and fun to look at and imagine about, but I was still awed by some shit.  Especially that Saturn V rocket thing.  Wow.  I mean, as a kid I liked the planets mostly because they were pretty -- not because of the science -- but building something that massive that flies to outer space??  Pretty fucking cool.  Even for this artsy, loved-English-assignments kid.

Did you know they put Model Ts on the moon? Either that or this is just a bad Grapes of Wrath re-enactment.

Space shuttle landing, natch.

Really.  Who looks more excited to be here?  He might have said something about how he's been "waiting my whole life for this moment!"

Saturn V engines.

   

Yesterday my sister told me she thinks I should start "hustling."  I wish it meant getting dates, because that'd be awesome.  But alas, she meant jobs. However, I've decided that I'm somewhat reliving my 20s, but in a much smarter way.  I mean, just look at this picture of me and my BFF.  Don't I look super smart?  The cigarette really proves it.  Can I get a job from being colossally cool on a Saturday night?

So, my next big project is to update this site.  It needs a new look and definitely a new tag line (I came up with that one during a crying jag - so lame).  Man, I gotta update my BlogHer profile and my FB one, too, now that I think of it.

Also, this blog is going to see more of me.  As in ME.   Not Mommy Jessica or Feminist Jessica or Natural Parent Jessica.  I mean, they're all in there, but I've decided to let more of the ribald, crass, grown-up in me come out, too.  It'll be like a French braid of feminism, parenting, pscyhotherapeutic rhetoric, and cussing.   I hope you'll like it.  I wish I could somehow make this site into a sex column and answer everyone's sex and relationship questions, though.  Non-sequitur you say?  Nah, not really.  I'm surprisingly good at that kind of stuff and I think it goes with everything else seamlessly. 

Ok!  Coffee's kicking in.  Time to dress and tackle the day, my couch, my life, and the world!